It has become my habit to use the quiet once everyone has gone to bed to check blogs, write a draft post, search for a picture for that post, check the news, scan Facebook, then wearily do the dishes and fall into bed. There was no plan of pushing God aside in my evenings, I am thinking about him as I do all these things. I’d like to spend less time on the computer but there are so many things that ‘need’ to be done online.
This evening, with no particular intentionality, I changed the order and did the dishes first – the computer was OFF, it still is as I write, with pen and paper – my favourite way. It took a while for the urge to be checking updates, editing, tweaking, researching, to subside. Gradually the hum of the fridge became my new baseline – a monotonous drone maintaining the status quo. After a long reset my heart synchronized itself with this being here, maintaining a steady internal environment. It took over an hour to settle and regain the internal state of thirsting for God:
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water
(Psalm 63:1 ESV)
Eventually homeostasis is achieved, the fridge stops humming – it will resume once it’s internal state drifts away from it’s set point. How come a fridge is smarter than my soul? I drift and drift and completely lose internal stability before realizing that some work needs to be done to get back to where I should be. Only then can I do the work God made me to do.