The ache of love won

It is 5 minute Friday, and this week’s prompt is Ache. I had gotten into the habit of saying “easy peasy” but with this prompt and what is on my heart this 5 minutes could seem very long. Just to reassure folks, what I describe here is from the past, it is not my current state of mind.

Ache

The week didn’t start well and went downhill. Not “steadily downhill”, more like in gut-wrenching plummets. By the end I simply wanted it to end.

Not just work, not just the kids squabbling, not just the cold, wet, gloomy weather – everything.

And I knew how. Few of my waking moments had been devoid of considering how. Lots of possibilities, none nice but then the aching void screamed out for an abrupt end.

With heavier heart than I ever thought possible I kissed them goodnight, prayed for each and committed them into Jesus’ care. Aching with pain and despair I wept over the youngest.

What was I about to do? Would this destroy his life, a life only just begun?

In the end the ache of love won. I am still here.

Stop

Sorry for the rawness, but these things do need to be discussed sometimes.

6 thoughts on “The ache of love won

  1. Difficult words, Mike. The aching always is, really. Thankful for Christ’s tug on your heart, the way He has drawn closer to you, restored your heart and soul to His keeping. You bless us with your raw, real reflections, and remind us that there is hope. God bless you, brother.

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    1. Hi Kris,Thanks for following along as this nutty story slowly emerges! At times this bog is like some form of therapy, but God does seem to keep encouraging me to write. Following a number of blogs myself has shown me that we all struggle and are broken, this community is an encouragement that broken does not mean ‘no good’ in God’s hands.

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  2. Hello Lovely, thanks for sharing your thoughts. As mother’s we have an irreplaceable role … you are irreplaceable … they need you now, forever and always. So glad love won out. God Bless.

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    1. Hi, Thanks for calling by. It seems so irrational to have ever thought of doing away with myself, but this is one of the things I had to learn about myself and depression – it is irrational, my thoughts become quite deranged when I am in that pit.

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  3. Visiting from The Gypsy Mama. So glad love won out and you’re still here. This makes me weep. I know that ache, too. But I have been on the other end and realized that no one would take their own life if they only knew the pain it would cause. Rejoicing that this is not your current state of mind. Joy and peace to you.

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    1. Hi Alison,I think you are right about not knowing the pain it would/does cause, in fact it is difficult looking back to fully understand why it seemed like the only solution because clearly there was another path and thankfully God kept me on it. The other huge factor which didn’t make it into my 5-minute post is the intervention of my wife who knew something was seriously amiss that day.
      Thanks for stopping by.

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