I prayed a prayer God has already answered

This morning I prayed a prayer that God has already answered. This sounds a bit daft so let me explain, here is the prayer:

Produce in me self-despair that will
make Jesus precious to me,
delightful in all his offices,
pleasurable in all his ways,
and may I love his commands
as well as his promises
The Valley of Vision, p333)

This is part of a longer prayer which I was reading when the words “produce in me self-despair” arrested me – I know self-despair well, why would anyone ask God for it?

The rest of the line explains: to make Jesus precious to me.

I have been praying the same in reverse – I have self-despair, please give me hope in Christ.

Reading what some Puritan wrote hundreds of years ago opened my eyes to meaning within my depression. I have given up hope in myself, in the most desperate times all that remains is a plea to God. Jesus says, ask and I will give you eternal life (see John 4:10 & 14).

While I hate depression and do what I can to avoid the despair, this prayer gives me a glimpse of what may be God’s perspective on it. Despairing of hope from within, I seek Christ to be all for me.

Gifts I have noticed recently (#903 – #909):

903) The love of my children.
904) Fear and uncertainty holding me back from stupid choices.
905) My family who loves and needs me as I am.
906) The desire to write, even if I don’t know what.
907) Happy memories to cling to.
908) Encouragement from friends.
909) A few days off.

2 thoughts on “I prayed a prayer God has already answered

  1. i’m glad that you can find some solice in your prayer, but you need to understand that prayer alone may not be enough…depression is actually a physical problem in the way that your brain makes connections…praying to get over depression is the same as praying to get over asthma…i’m not judging, i wish that i could find peace in faith alone, but be open to other avenues…

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    1. I agree that depression is a physiological thing and certainly follow the advice of my doctor for treating it. My main point here was the idea that in God’s hands even despair can have a purpose.

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